You know, you go through so much shit in your life but you hold on to the hope that sooner or later you can get out of here and start over. I've finally come to that point that ive been anxiously awaiting and im not going anywhere. i still have to live another whole year here seeing the same people, visiting the same places and living with the same memories i only wish i could forget. Dont get me wrong, UWM is a great school and one of my closest friends Katie is going there but I had such big dreams of going to North Carolina, Kentucky or California. and i understand that i can always transfer but ive lived here long enough. i want out. I was so looking forward to Kentucky. Everything about it made me happy. And not many things in life can do that.
I'm glad that after this weekend, im closer to my parents. They believe me, they understand but i guess theres a consequence for everything and its that i have to stay in this shit hole for another year.
Its crazy that in a period of 4 days i can go from having my life planned out, to not having a life at all, to then having to live the same life ive been living for another year. And the UWM dorms are already full. I guess i shouldnt be surprised. Im use to disappointment. I should have known.
I just wish God could show me why this is happening. Why it has to happen to me. Its not fair. What is his plan? Where is my life going?
2 comments:
Amy,
I really talked to you for the first time this past weekend and, in a matter of days, you changed my life more than anyone ever has. I googled your name hoping to find a page like this because I felt that the note I wrote you didn't tell you how I truly feel. You were the first person I have ever talked to that really made me feel like you were listening. I knew I wasn't being judged and, even though I had never talked to you before, somehow I knew I could trust you.
At first, I thought that anything you could tell me would not be worse than what has happened to me. Then, you opened my eyes to the world of pain inside of you that is impossible for anyone to endure on their own. I thought that anything you could be going through I could relate to, but I have never known anyone who has made it through the things you have been through. I feel horrible for thinking that I have had it tough. I can't even put into words how strong you are for confiding in me things that you don't even tell your closest friends. I promise that I will never tell anyone the things you have told me.
I cried a lot while reading all the things you have written. I pray that you know that nothing you have done is beyond the depths of God's forgiveness. I looked up a few verses that I hope will help you. They are from different books, but I think they fit really well together.
Ephesians 1:7 - "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace..."
Colossians 1:13 - "For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves..."
I believe that the reason I went through what I did is so that I can be the father to my kids that my dad never was to me. And I truly believe that the reason you are going through what you are is so that when you become an art therapist, you can help so many kids that desperately need the care that you can provide.
I pray that your "Day 30" streak of not injuring yourself is still going and I pray that I will still be in your life when it is time to write a blog named "Year 30".
I hope you become a Kentucky Wildcat someday, but maybe God is working through your parents to carry out his plans at UWM or where ever you end up. I promise to come visit you whenever I can.
I hope I can make this "shithole" a little brighter for as long as I'm in it with you. And remember, if you ever need to talk, I'm only a phone call away and a short drive away. I prayed for you just about all day today and I missed you after school, but I hope to talk to you soon. I promise I will always have my phone on, so never hesitate to call, whether its 3 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon, I would gladly lose some sleep for you.
Your Prayer Partner for Life,
Alex
262-424-7183
Keep holding in there. I'm sure everything will be alright. At times like these, I just think "everything happens for a reason". Losing something good could result in gaining something great. You will do great thing i'm sure of it!
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