Thanksgiving Weekend

I havent had time to write but ive been meaning to write for a couple days. Sadly thanksgiving break is ending and i have no motivation to go back to school. I went shopping on friday at 5 to get the door busters. It was super fun, especially since i went with my cousin Jay who i havent seen since august! He goes to Calvin College in Michigan. I saw a lot of my friends that day actually. My friend Devan goes to Dominican in New York and it was really hard at first when she left for college. I havent seen her since august either so it was so nice to finally see her again. I also saw my friends sammie, jack, ellie, britta, ayo and a couple other people. It was good to see them but also bad. I have a really hard time when people leave. To me, it seems like people always leave and when im finally able to move on, deal with it and know things will never be the same, they come back. and i get thoughts of all the memories and fun times we use to have. it made me really sad friday because its like theyre all moving on with their lives and meeting new people, living on their own, idk just growing up. and im stuck, having to get through this year, not really moving forward, not meeting new people and living the same 'ol life they all got away from. Idk, maybe its just jealousy but i really wish i could be where theyre at.

Yes, i saw ellie again. it was so good to see her! i had a bad night on thanksgiving (thanksgiving was fun, it was just my thoughts at night i couldnt control) and i talked to her. She always makes me feel better even if she doesnt say much. I miss being close with her but shes matured so much, met her lifelong friends and has an amazing boyfriend! so im hoping when i go to college ill grow up as well and be able to get to where she is at so we can become close again, or maybe not idk. Joel Osteen said people come into your life and leave. theyre considered seasonal friends and if they leave, it was meant to happen. Im just hoping thats not the case for her.

I also had a tennis tournament saturday and sunday. It was doubles and my partner was Benetta Jones. We got second! we should have gotten first but we were really rusty.

Last thing thats on my mind. I really wish i was a good writer. I want to write a book so bad. i know exactly what i want to write about, i just am not very good at writing so when i try, it always seems so sloppy and unintelligent. It may just be me but idk. I do need to figure out how to become a better writer so maybe one day i can write a book. We'll see.

KHO

my day

Today was not an eventful day. I actually had a really late night last night. I was up doing bad habits and thinking too much, but thats kinda how every weekend goes for me. Anyways, because of my night, i slept in till 11:30 which felt good. i went downstairs to help my mom get ready for thanksgiving to try to get my mind off of things. I feel like no matter what, i cant control my thoughts or turn them off so i try to stay as busy as possible. I went to Barnes and Noble too. Im looking for a book about all religions and their beliefs. I want to be able to defend my faith especially when ill be going to college next year. I also feel like i need to grow in my faith. Its not as strong as id like it to be and when i get really low, i need to be able to rely on God and not on other people because people come into my life and leave and God is the only one that stays constant. but i struggle with that. ANYWAYS, i got accepted to Northern Iowa today and also got a 4,000 dollar scholarship! Its not my first choice, its my third but im super relieved because at least i have a backup. 

I talked to my friend Ellie. Shes two years older than me and really strong in her faith. She also has a boyfriend whom she turned christian! that sentence doesnt sound like it made sense but you know what i mean. Shes really matured over the past two years. When i was a sophomore and she was a senior, we went on a mission trip and we became really close. She helped me with a lot of issues i was dealing with and shes always been there for me since. I really look up to her and today i got to talk to her. She seems to always know what to say and she always has answers but today she didnt have all the answers. and because of what we were talking about, it worries me. but i know in the end she'll make the right decision. She always does. 

The night just consisted of painting and then going to my twin brother, Andrews game. He lost. 

Its 1:10 and i decided to write on here to prevent myself from thinking too much. I dont really know how this works or how people read or comment but if you can, you should! k night. KHO

Labyrinth of Suffering

yes i have more. i just recently finished a book, Looking For Alaska. it has such a deeper meaning to it and i wrote down some quotes from the book that i really liked and that really applies to my life:

How will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?

"Its not life or death, the labyrinth. Suffering, doing wrong and having wrong things happen to you. Thats the problem. Bolivar was talking about the pain, not about living or dying."

"Theres always suffering. Suffering is universal. It's the only thing Buddhist, Christian, and Muslims are all worried about."

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about ow you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present."

"We had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth. There are so many of us who would have to live with things left undone that day. Things that did not go right, things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we cant know better until knowing better is useless."

Fate

this is my first blog! im not exactly sure how this works but im just going to write my thoughts and feelings on here, feel free to read or comment!

i was thinking about this the other day. fate. do i believe in fate? I dont know if i do or not. i know God has a plan for me and how i am going to die but because of free will, can that change? if there is fate, does that mean that He can decide when and how i die and nothing can stop it from happening? but doesnt God have a plan for everyone and people still turn and deny Him?