Go Wildcats!

Great news. I was accepted at Kentucky! im so excited. nervous, but excited. Im hoping to major in psychology and minor in art so i can do art therapy! i feel kind of bad saying that because i got the idea from a friend and im sorry! but its really what i have a passion for. anyways. i have this written in one of my notebooks and i wanted to put it on here...

The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable yo are of loving in the present. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. You have the power to chose what you think about. If you chose to think about past hurts, you will continue to feel bad. While its true you cant change the effect past influences hold on you once- you can change the effect they have on you now. Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that inst you- all of the expectations, all of the beliefs- and becoming who you are.

I like to read that a lot. Not for me but because i feel like its really good advice i could give to someone in time of need or someone who is having trouble forgiving themselves. Speaking of time of need, i wish there was something i could do for Ellie. I hate the thought of not being there for her and thats exactly what im doing. I hope that in the future i can be there for her but for now ill just pray because im not sure what to do. I love her so much!

KHO

Battles

As does the pain of being alone, and the pain of keeping it all inside, and the pain of always feeling just short of adequate. As soon as the bell rings, she grabs her purse, the remainder of her belongings, and rushes to the bathroom. Stall door locked behind her, she hastly removes the pocket-sized fingernail clippers from the inside zipper pocket of her purse. Without hesitation, she viciously begins to slice away the skin on her wrists and arms, which already are decorated with scabs and scars from her last self-injury. To Amy, it's the only way she can gain some amount of control in her life. Tears didn't fill her eyes, no sound of pain was emitted. In fact, the only feeling she felt was control.

Infinite, absolute control.


KHO